Isn’t it ironic? That the heartbreak we feel when a love has been lost allows us to write some of the best love songs? They always say that through heartache, comes the most truth. It’s like the more numb you feel, the better you’re able to articulate the butterflies and fast heart beats you once felt with that person. What those love songs never truly paint though, something that country music is getting close to doing, or Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown with “No Air” (poor song choice, but solid comparison to the truth) is the feeling you experience when the one you love decides they need space. It’s easy to understand break-up’s that occur with cheating, or hatred, or jealousy, or an inability to be compatible with one another after time, but what about when a break up happens for no reason? That’s the worst kind. When someone loves you, cares about you, still wants you in their life, but wants the romantic and intimate relationship to end. Where do you go from there? It’s hard to pick up and walk away where life left off because quite honestly, the older we get in life the more we plan and base around the person we see spending it with. But how can you just be friends with the person you once fell asleep holding every night?
I may be young, but I’m lucky enough to say I really know love. When I love I do it with all of my heart, which I guess is why it breaks so easily when I lose the person I gave it all to. When I say lose, I say it lightly, because when you have so much in common with someone, so many memories, and still so much love, the transition from relationship to friends is all but smooth sailing.
“The promises he made were always true. He promised everything I needed him to. He stuck to his word, I held on tight, and I fell asleep with him every night. He whispered sweet words I never thought I’d hear, and made all of my feelings that much more clear, but he promised me he’d never lie, so when it ended I knew why.”
As a songwriter it’s easy to take hurt, bad situations or circumstances, especially love lost, and turn it into a good song that other people can relate to. I just think it’s hard sometimes when people listen to that song as if it’s not a diary set to music for the world to openly read, mock, relate to, whatever the case may be. It’s so much more about releasing the hurt then writing a catchy hook, and honestly when you’ve written it, the only person you want to share it with is the one who gave you the inspiration.
I think the worst kind of heartbreak stems from true love, friendship, and empathy. All of which I possess. I love that person so much that I can’t hate them, or be mad at them, for simply doing what was right and telling the honest truth about their feelings. He is my best friend and always will be, and a friendship underlines every healthy relationship so when the word “boyfriend” may fade off the paper, the line of friendship in which is was written on still stands printed in blue ink. Lastly, empathy. When you love someone as long and as hard as I did (d0) (always will), how do you not empathize with how they’re feeling? You have to. You try to make sense of it all, and understand why their handling things the way they are.
At the end of the day, no matter how philosophical, understanding, or in love you are, you feel lost. Empty and hallow too. It’s hard to breathe, eat, sleep, or literally do anything without getting reminded of the love you shared, the memories, the smells, sights, everything rushes back all at once as if it was shelved in the library of your brain until a tornado of a break up came along to knock it all down at once. There’s just a part of you missing and the void seems like it will never be filled. What if you don’t want it filled? What if the thought of anyone else in your life makes you sick, and you can’t stand the idea of no more Friday nights cuddled up on a beaten down futon with a bowl of cake batter dip that you make (but only on special grocery trips do you get the ingredients because you’re saving money for dinner that weekend)? Well, I don’t know yet. But I’ll promise to let you know when I do.
All I know is that they say the best love songs come from heartbreak, and the best journeys stem from fear. I have heartbreak, and I have fear, so maybe soon you’ll see me hittin’ the road with an album in hand.
I’d be really content on that futon though.