“You told me not to cry when you were gone, but the feelings overwhelming … it’s much too strong.”
This song gives me tingles. His voice is just way too amazing. I have posted Sam Smith before, but not for a lunch time listen. I figure there is nothing better to sip your latte in a local Starbucks too, or walk through the park thinking about life on this beautiful (in CT anyway) Saturday afternoon.
Losing my grandmom was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my twenty-one years on this planet.
This song makes me think about when she got really sick. How I would sleep at her house to be on “night shift” and any time I heard a creak of the floorboard I would think it was her coming in to say goodnight. Then I would realize she couldn’t do that anymore, and I would be so scared to find out what the strange noise was.
Her oxygen machine was somehow calming. It was this steady pace of air that I knew was filling her lungs and somehow that put me a little more eat ease.
My grandmom was my best friend and the fact that I couldn’t do anything to help her hurt me more than anything.
This song just captures all of those emotions. Hearing her tell me not to cry when she passed away because she would always be next to me was devastating, and I cried more when I lost her than I ever have.
I’m crying now writing this.
I just wanted to lay down next to her and hold her. I wanted to kill cancer. I would personify it in my head and imagine how amazing it would feel to just conquer that son of a bitch for my grandmother who was just too weak to keep fighting.
I hope this song can allow some of you to know that other people feel the same way, and the beautiful ability that Sam Smith has to portray these emotions without breaking down is just incredible.
I know that my grandmom is with me every day. I feel her on really warm days when the wind blows, in the heads-up penny I find at my feet when I leave an elevator, and looking over my shoulder when I attempt and fail to make her famous red velvet cake.
So the purpose of this post wasn’t to make you a sobbing mess because it forces you to think about a sad time in your life, but allow you to have that time.
Sometimes as humans we need to cry to feel a release. We push away emotions like this to avoid hurting, but hurting means healing.
Allow yourself to just feel this song. It may mean nothing to you, it may be about a break-up, or someone you’ve lost, but whatever it is. Just breathe. Breathe & listen. These are two things the work week conditions us not to do.
Relax & enjoy!