As far as I can find, no one’s ever investigated the feeling of “missing” someone or something. Where does it truly come from? I guess this is because everyone experiences it to a different degree for everything. We never really think about it – but the person sitting at the desk behind you right now could be missing someone so bad it hurts. The girl giving you your morning coffee across the counter could be all that someone across the country thinks about every day.
Of course, there are different degrees of missing people too. There’s a feeling of grief when you miss someone who will never come back, like the loss of a loved one. There’s a feeling of angst when you miss someone who you have to be away from because of circumstantial instances. There’s also a feeling of somehow being able to miss something you never quite had; that comes from lust and wonder and all that good stuff.
I’ve always been the type to get emotionally attached to people. Never things. Things seem interchangeable to me, unless they’re things that can’t be replaced. If that’s the case, I normally attribute that thing to a person in my life and hold onto it the same I would them, if I could. For instance, I have my grandmother’s engagement ring on my right hand. She was the last person to put it on my finger a few days before she passed away. Every time I see it shine I think of her and know she’s with me.
The real point of all of this is, I never realized that the way I miss people, or I guess the route of it all comes down to how much I love them, is unconventional. Lately, I’ve been talking to different people and the same theme always comes up. How they’re out for themselves, they only trust themselves, they never care that much about other people because people don’t care about them. It made me look at the way I feel about certain situations; the verdict? I wouldn’t change a single thing about who I am or how I miss.
I pass up material things and opportunities to spend time with people I love. I put more stress on myself and more things on my own plate so I can make those important to me, happy. I’d rather do all of that then sit back one day and realize the most important person on speed dial is myself.
Moving around and traveling the way I do, it feels like I’m always leaving someone behind. And while that feeling always resonates with me, I never want the people on the other end, the people the take up space in my heart to feel that way. So yes, I miss really hard and I express it in the same sense.
I’d rather be known as being too compassionate for my own good – than not known at all.